How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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