I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
