i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
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Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
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I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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