I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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