my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
