Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
so much tequila, so little girl.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
