Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
