boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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