DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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