I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
