I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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