I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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