She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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