It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
