Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
