just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
