I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have feelings that need drinking.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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