1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
