I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
