now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
