So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
