If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
