The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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