it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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