yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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