I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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