I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
