OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
