help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
