I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize