Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
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I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
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I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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