Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
