Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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