Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
should my penis look like a turkey
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
