im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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