So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
