is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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