Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i out mim tonsoeep
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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