Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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