hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
