I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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