Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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