He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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