Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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