I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Do vagina's smell?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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