why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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