remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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