I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?