if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
