a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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