Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
