guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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