do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
