At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
