I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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