As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
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I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
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My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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