so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize