is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I want to fling myself into the sun
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
