He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
