he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
