Quick, to the slutcave!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
