it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
